Love Yourself Physically
See yourself in mirrors, in pictures, and from "between your shoulders,"
occasionally, to remember the person you share a lifetime with. No one is more
responsible than you for that person's life: to love, protect, help and please
You'll be amazed, after all these years together, how that person is still a mystery to uncover.
Familiarity kills curiosity sometimes, that one may initially feel
uninterested in re-discovering oneself or doing new self-experiments; yet changing one's appearance for example, occasionally (e.g. having a new look), can
dramatically change mood and stimulate
the mind, making one feel like a new person, or even many persons.
However, you need to
love the person you are, more than the body you have. Your body
only needs to be protected, not pampered or admired like Narcissists do. It's
the inside that matters; the outside is basically for other people to watch,
many of whom act like children: judging by appearances, learning audio-visually, and
obsessed with physiognomy and body language. Look at yourself
occasionally, only to remember the burden you carry around and person you
share every second of life with.
Monologue or self-talk is like the conversation breaking the ice
between strangers, except that the ice is the boredom and insecurity one may
feel alone. Monologue gradually develops into a romantic or sweet talk, like that between
lovers, esp. needed at times of stress, decision making, and guilt (apologizing
to oneself for hurting oneself). The conversation will mostly be in the
second-person. You may call yourself "My dearest —" (which is 100% true).
Talking differently while changing intonation, like story-telling, makes one
feel like already sitting with many people.
You can write to yourself a self-love letter, to better organize your
thoughts, express your emotions, and feel the importance of the "person" you are
writing to. Writing to and bout you helps you love, understand and help
- Self-hugging triggers oxytocin in women and vasopressin in
men. Hugging, patting, caressing ... oneself triggers those relaxing fear-fighting hormones
increasing our sense of security.
- Pressing different areas in your body, pressing your body against a comfortable
surface, or just stiffening up your body for a short time, has a similar effect to hugging's.
- The fetal position or any "outside-inside" position increases
our sense of security.
animals have it, when they retire to themselves to avoid danger or cope with its
aftermath for solace (licking their wounds).
Enjoy alone! Eat, laugh, read, play, walk, travel ... alone.
It will store many good memories of pleasures that didn't need other people to give
share with you. Nothing like pleasure can give emotional independence, because
pleasure is what life's about.
Stay alone! Practice solitude and resist your "itchy feet"! The longer
you spend alone, the easier you accept, love and benefit from solitude. You will
have more time to understand your self, enabling you to love it properly.
Self-knowledge is one of many fruits of solitude.
Work alone! Be independent whenever you can, financially, physically and socially.
Seek others' help only after you exhaust all possibilities alone, or
for matters that cannot wait or can never be done alone (a surgery if you are
not a doctor, a court defense if you are not a lawyer, etc.). Once you succeed
alone, you won't call others again. But once you call others, you may always
depend on them. Self-help
saves so much time.
Love Yourself Mentally
- Think of yourself in the third person, as if you are someone else
whom you love, respect, and enjoy being with. Evoke that
person's image and the special memories you shared together, that are more than those
shared with any other human. Get out of your "self" and watch it
from above with a stranger's eyes.
- Understand yourself, to know how to better encourage, solace, forgive,
heal, and reason with yourself.
Don't wait for others to do so, as they may never do it.
- Remember why you love yourself. In case you forget,
remember that no one can "love, understand or help" you better than you.
- Always remember you deserve to be happy, all your life, no matter
how others try to make you feel guilty for enjoying yourself and not
sharing their misery. Instead, show them empathy (understanding their
feelings), not sympathy (feeling their feelings).
- Grow your self-esteem: count your blessings & achievements, that you may use for having even more
blessings and achievements. Protect your
reputation too, i.e. your image as seen by others. Use silence if your
character and works speak for you. Else, use minimal words just stating simple undisputed facts.
- When with other people, retire to yourself mentally, when
you need to, even though you are
physically present with them.
- Avoid attachment: you cannot avoid interaction with other people,
but you can avoid attachment to them. Thus, always be vigilant lest attachment sneak into you, gradually growing
and chaining you to other people. The price of attachment is so high,
higher than the pleasure it gives. So remember the cost of
attachment to people, especially when resisting the instinctive urge to "follow the herd," or
when aborting other "herd members'" attempts to push you in.
- Argue: don't take social conventions for granted. Rather, let your mind be your guide. Expect many misconceptions and prejudgments about
self-love, solitude, or any different behavior no one has tried before. Most society's
stereotypes are spoon-fed and regressive, based on
social instinct rather than
reasoning and experience; they are triggered by fear, ignorance and incuriosity. The majority like to
like one another, dependent on one another, emotionally, mentally,
financially, physically and sexually. They want all humans to look alike, like
armies of clones, because conformity is the
easy choice. Be prepared for typical self-love labels or even charges: selfish, narcissistic, eccentric, boring, depressing, etc.
Turn a deaf ear, on demand.