Relationship Advice for Monogamous Couples
Polygamy fails to give the longer, deeper and safer pleasures of monogamy; whereas monogamy fails to give the thrill of polygamy. A compromise is a must.
Since polygamy is an innate behavior operated by the primitive brain, like other basic instincts, monogamous couples can simulate the thrill of promiscuous sex, easily obtaining the same endorphin rush the lower brain offers without causing it any suspicion, as it's naturally "dumb."
It cannot be the other way around: polygamous people cannot simulate monogamy, because it's hard to fool the "higher brain" into believing that promiscuity is safe, deep or fair, even in close-ended polygamy. Monogamy is the better choice, with conditions.
The instinctive nature of polygamy can be deceived by a variety of tricks old partners can learn, based on a simple scientifically-proven biological fact: "A new & hard-to-get partner is always sexier." However unsafe, incompatible, unstable, or even unattractive sometimes such partner is, their novelty & unavailability make them more desired, because we love CHANGES & CHALLENGES.
The games to play on mother nature are many, sexual or non-sexual:
Mastering such techniques enables couples to reap the benefits of both dopamine and oxytocin (lust and love, sex and friendship, dating and bonding, short and long affairs, thrill and affection, adventure and safety, etc.). It keeps love's early flame burning, i.e. dopamine levels high, in a relationship that is both strong and exciting, as long as couples want. Since our polygamous nature urges us to chase new partners and aim at hard-to-hit sex targets, at any expense, fooling us into believing it's an act of monumental survival value, we can fool it too by pretending we and our old partners are new and hard to obtain. So, while the higher brain knows well that "this is my spouse for years," the lower one, that gives the reward, is deceived, naively perceiving our years-old relationship as a new affair. One's partner becomes a stranger to safely "cheat on with."
The effort made to keep the marital bond strong pays off later, as partners enjoy a safer, healthier, more stable life, and an inexhaustible love energy to live on together. It makes every time they love each other different, where each still has more in reserve for the other.
Fake polygamy only completes real monogamy. Any spice-up fake-polygamy technique is intended to complete a monogamous relationship that must be protected first.
A strong relationship is founded on certain pillars:
An emotional bond is insufficient without a legal one, to guarantee a long-enduring relationship. And both are insufficient to guarantee loyalty and sexual gratification, without some excitement. Work and PLAY should both be taken seriously, preferably when both are one (a job as a hobby, a loving wife as an exciting mistress, etc.). Once a relationship is properly secured, it can be diversely enjoyed by the following:
These are variations on the hard-to-find mystery lover Nature imprinted in our genes to constantly seek, that we can only, safely, relatively come close to in the person of our partner. Freedom and excitement go together. A partner you are free to choose and "re-choose" is better than one forced on you permanently. It would be paradoxical to choose a partner you have no difficulty choosing, seducing, or chasing; or one you don't miss, think of, or feel curious about. An old partner who is hard to keep or fathom is as sexy as a new one who is hard to get: both are two sides of the same coin.
This is about feeling you are with a new partner, who is yet the same old, loyal, safe and caring one:
Trying new settings for love-making does not only give new sensations, but it also benefits from our unused libido and connects us with our past, as such settings happen to be the same where strangers attracted or still attract us. By re-visiting them we pass our former, latent and miscellaneous affections on to our one and only lover.
Surprise maximizes the effect of novelty. A surprising act by an old partner is similar in effect to an expected act by a new partner. Surprises should be secretly planned and well-calculated. Examples:
Memories are an inexhaustible source of "new" sensations, whenever they are evoked, mixed with the present, and tasted anew. Going back to the old places where lovers first met, talked, ate, etc. gives a new taste to an old long-lost pleasure. Memories are faster evoked by senses than by thoughts. Other than seeing an old place, picture, souvenir, film ... there are also the old sounds (tunes, voices, noise), old smells (perfumes, plants, soap, sweat, clothes), and old foods. However, an old object loses its evoking power gradually by over-use, that you should find another, because there are always others, much more than you think, scattered here and there down memory lane.
Every human is a mine of mysteries, that a lifetime is not enough to uncover. Never think you fully understand your partner, who will always be a mystery to you, that you only try to discover everyday. (You even have difficulty understanding your own self.)
Seeing an object "kills" the desire to imagine it. Familiarity falsely makes us believe we understand what we see with the naked eye, i.e. with the primitive brain; whereas real understanding only takes place in the higher brain, requiring more tools than mere physical contact. A person may live for months in a country without learning much about, compared to another who learned more from a book they read in a few hours.
We value things/people we can't have, because we usually think less of what we possess than of what we don't, knowing that the latter is always more than the former, and the world is always bigger than us, thus worth more exploration. It's our infinitely curious nature we need to respect to empower our relationships with. Cherishing that childish curiosity about new things, in sex and otherwise, boosts our endorphins, motivates us to learn, and guides us toward things worth living for.
Tension before sex with an old partner is like that of chasing a new partner. Couples can "safely" try to have sex, fully or partly, in a place where it's challenging to have it, either because of time, place or people:
Our primitive brain is deceived by teasing which gives it a signal: "Here is a new prey to chase, that is hard to hunt. Go get it, to receive a high reward from Mother Nature!" Teasing is not just during sex, but any time: NOT answering a question, accepting an offer, laughing at a joke, or showing your emotion immediately.
Distance is good in giving partners a chance to discover new things they couldn't see otherwise in each other, as well as making each an "unreachable" target to the other, teasing their polygamous nature.
Learn how to have "planned temporary separation". Temporarily live in separate rooms, houses, towns, provinces, or even countries. Don't contact your partner until you miss them and they miss you. When you do, initially use the same manner you have with a stranger:
Many divorced couples report that their marriage could've been saved had they allowed more space between each other. Unfortunately, many married couples don't do that, because of lack of interest, or not trusting a faraway partner.
Thus, keep a distance to know why you chose each other before, and why you still choose each other now, after all these years. LEAVE if you think you can start a new relationship from scratch elsewhere: growing emotional bond, mutual trust, shared memories, knowledge of each other's weakness, strength, likes, dislikes ... etc. with somebody new.